in search of canaan

madly planning a wedding

2010-05-17T22:12:00.003-05:00

after reading all of my family's blogs, i realized that i needed to blog. Mark is gone and life is boring without him. This week I sent out all the postcards to invite our guests to our wedding, which is no small task. Thank God for facebook. Seriously, how else do you contact your cousin's daughter that you haven't seen since the last family reunion?

I have been madly planning. Lately, I have loved saying the word, "madly". I'm not sure why, maybe because it seems like it communicates the short bursts of intensity. For those of you that don't know, we are having the ceremony at Dayspring Baptist Church. Mark and I have been attending here for the past few months together, me for longer. I have absolutely adored the simplistic beauty of this church. I cannot wait to see all my friends and family in this church, Mark and the altar, the sun streaming into the huge windows. It promises to be beautiful - and this is without any decorations (which I plan to do little to none at the church). From here, we will have the reception at the Carleen Bright Arboretum. This is a fantastic venue that will give us shelter from the Texas July heat and provide shaded natural trails, gazebos, and bridges over small streams to enjoy. Perfect!

Everyone is asking me what my colors are. I hate that question because I feel so confined to a certain set of colors and confinement is not my style. :) So, I just say I don't have any colors. My bridesmaids found a really cute black dress at Ann Taylor Loft for super cheap and Mark's groomsmen are wearing a black cuban-havana style shirt and linen pants. I am having my dress made by the coolest seamstress in Waco. I found her by googling. Who knew? After looking for a month or so for a wedding dress that I loved, I decided to find someone local (support the local business!) She is crafting my dress, changing it as I try it on and suggest new things. I love it. I can't wait to wear it. It had to pass my criterium: under $300, natural fabric, and re-wearable (why spend so much money on one dress and not wear it again? I am most likely going to dye my dress so that I can wear it to another function after my wedding).

The reception will be simple and light. I decided to decorate the tables with mason jars with lemons and limes, have quotes about love (i LOVE quotes), and have a few tea light candles. We are still working out the kinks of the reception, but I know that it will be perfect.

As far as the honeymoon...all that Mark will tell me at this point is that we are going to Bellmead. For those of you not familiar with Waco, Bellmead is about 15 miles out and is basically the projects. Think Redneck, jean cutoffs and wife "huggers" and you have bellmead. I can't wait. Really, I can't wait to hear where we are really going. :)

Right now, I don't have a job. and honestly, I am ok with not having one. Life is stressful planning a wedding and then going on vacation next week and then headed to Colorado the first two weeks of July + a wedding....I will get a little bit more anxious about work come August. But for now, I am enjoying the rest and time to breathe.

Canaan is extra cuddly tonight. I guess he knows my heart is a little lonely with Mark gone. I am grateful for him - er, Canaan that is. :) He's been a trooper getting to know Mark, now that he has someone to play rough with. Well, that's a lot of information about the wedding. I've only had two meltdowns since we got engaged and they happened within the first two weeks, so this week (although it's only Monday) I haven't had one. hilarious.

much love. me.

cardinals always make me smile

2010-05-04T17:14:00.003-05:00

Today I was driving through Cameron Park and knew I had to blog. Funny how moments of serenity, nature, and love remind me to take time and reflect. And I saw a cardinal, which always makes me appreciate the simple things.

Life has been nothing short of overwhelming, yet there are pockets of peace and rest. Mark proposed to me almost two weeks ago and yet, it seems like it has been months. I'm not sure if that is because we have been talking about getting engaged since February. (yes, most don't know that) or it could be that we have decided on a wedding date: July 24. Yes, this July 24. Funny, most people ask this July or July of 2011.

Three months to plan a wedding. Doable. Realizing that we will be out of town for a month of that, not so encouraging. Yet, two months are more than enough time - I think. Mark and I cherish simplicity, love, and friends. We really hope that our wedding can be what we truly want: relationships. Life should always place priority on relationships and we want our wedding to be a reflection of that. Mark and I have friends and family throughout the United States. I really hope that all of his friends can come and celebrate our wedding as well as journey with us as we hit this major milestone. We are super excited and I might just have to share with you about my wedding planning here on my blog.

This month I am finishing my personal training certification and will soon start my nutrition and wellness consultant certification. I love this stuff! Today I tried a new recipe. It's packed with yummy tastes and packed with protein (which I always try to get more of). I can't wait to get a website up and running to share all my nutritional/workout love with you.

Until then. Love who you are, love your life!

me.

My most delicous smoothie

2010-04-08T10:19:00.005-05:00

Yesterday after my brick workout I had the most delicious recovery smoothie I have ever had. I had just completed a moderately hard workout: swim 1200 yards and then 20 mile bike ride...of course, I had to ride into the wind. After we got back (I was with my badass friend), she made us smoothies. For the record, it's really important to refuel your body after a workout. Research says to have a 4:1 ratio of carbohydrates to protein. Here is what she put into the smoothie:

frozen fruit - no sugar added
heavy whipping cream (yes. I am not a huge fan of this, but it is important to to have a little fat into your diet when working out. in my future, I will eliminate this ingredient with something a little less...killer)
CytoMax
Fage Greek Yogurt
ice...to make it thick

So the reason for this post. Greek Yogurt. Recently, I have tried to eat my yogurt to help my digestion problems. I have noticed over the months that the healthier I eat, the more I learn how my body reacts to certain foods...both good and bad. About two years ago, I came to the conclusion that I can not digest dairy very well. Big surprise, as we are the only mammals that drink milk after we are weaned. We just are not cut out for it. How am I supposed to get my dairy intake when I cannot drink milk? TONS of ways. One way is to eat yogurt - and as a plus, it offers probiotics. Probiotics help aid digestion, promote overall wellness, helps fight bad bacteria already in your stomach, and more.

Yesterday, when I had this most delicious smoothie I had to research more about Greek Yogurt. Turns out this is some of most healthiest form of dairy out there. Here are 5 reasons why you should eat Greek yogurt.

Lots of protein. up to 28grams of protein in a single serving. Protein makes you feel fuller longer, gives you more energy, and takes more energy to burn (burn more calories)
Improves digestion. Anyone that has difficulty digesting certain foods, specifically dairy - this will help! It is gluten free friendly! woo hoo!
Thick and creamy! I often crave a sweet after every meal or at least like to tastes something rich and creamy every now and then. This is a perfect substitute instead of that heavy (and full of fat calories) chocolate mousse.
100% natural. At least the kind I ate was (FAGE). "It contains no added sweeteners, thickeners or preservatives. FAGE does not use powder milk, powder cream or powder protein in FAGE, just raw milk, raw cream and live active cultures which come together for a naturally blissful taste experience.
It is environmentally friendly: "In line with our All Natural approach to yogurt making, our milk and cream supply comes from farmers who have pledged not to treat their cows with rBGH. (rBGH is the protein hormone that increases milk production in cows...in an extremely unhealthy degree)

So now, you have the inside scoop on my latest nutrition tip: Greek Yogurt. Hope you enjoy your smoothie that you are craving now. :)

so little time to blog

2010-04-05T11:57:00.003-05:00

Easter Monday is always good for recovery. Recovery from Lent, recovery from a harsh Winter, recovery from a stressful season at school/work, and recovery from a hard work out this morning.

Today I went for a run. I broke it up between trail running and on the road running. In between these laps, I did a few pushups, tricep dips, and some yoga. It felt wonderful yet a little painful. I love getting back into shape and I love being in shape more. I like to think that I am not yet in my prime. I mean, you go to any race - especially multi-sport races (triathlons) and the most competitive age group is the 35-39 year olds. Granted, the 25-29 age group isnt' too easy; the older you get...the better you get, supposedly. I look forward to training when I am older. Today, I went running with a badass. She is training for the Xterra race that is being held here in Waco at the end of May. She did a 7 mile mountain bike ride, ran the trail loop with me, did her mountain bike loop again, and then met me for the final trail run loop. She is hard core. Even more impressive, she has 4 kids and one of them being just a year old on April 1. I hope that I am as badass as she is when i have a family.

Today I am hopefully finishing up my personal training certification test. I also have to prep for three classes, gut my clothes closet, and go for a mountain bike ride. So much to do! and so little time to blog. :)

Love,

me.

inward living.

2010-04-04T23:50:00.003-05:00

house cleaning, running the trails, mountain biking, crashing, wet wipe baths in a gas station bathroom, massage oils, kombucha on tap, Chatoe Rogue, two hour naps, outside fireplace, and maybe a brick workout in the morning? ....all in a four day weekend. Love it.

the more simple my days are, the more simple my heart is.

a call to the inward life.

Daring to live life

2010-04-01T13:28:00.003-05:00

It is now April. Hard to believe that the winter has already come and go and it is now a warm 82 degree afternoon here in Waco. Last night was a fun evening and reminded me of summer nights. On Wednesdays, a few of us friends gather at a house and drink beers, have dinner, and chit chat about training, races, gear, and other random things. It was fun last night because although it was a bit cooler, we were able to have a small fire in an outdoor ring.

Double star bonus points for me this month, if you measure in bruises. I've started mountain biking in preparation for my trip to Crested Butte, CO. (in July, we're meeting some friends up there to ride the famous tails and enjoy mountain culture). I've had several attempts to ride well and end up on the trail mangled in my bike. This ended with numerous bruises along my right side of my body, actually 18 to be accurate. On Monday, I took my first fall while lead climbing. Although I had been wanting to fall on purpose to learn what to expect and not be afraid of falling, this was not fun. I was to the left of the route, ontop of a large bulge in the formation of the rock. As I grabbed my quickdraw, I slipped and fell down to my first bolt - 12 feet....on my right side..on top of my mountain bike bruises. sigh. Shaking and crying, I calmed down and began climbing again. I did so out of fear that I may not want to ever lead climb again. After falling again, I decided to come off the rope and calm down. I'm glad that I fell, I'm glad that I had a good belayer, and I am glad that I don't have to experience my first fall again. On Tuesday, I wanted to enjoy the beautiful weather, so a friend and I went for a road ride. Within 5 minutes of riding, my body was skidding on the cement...This has not been my week.

Despite these setbacks, I don't want to think about how this could prevent me from still living life fully and passionately. I am passionate about being outside. I am passionate about challenging myself. I am passionate about believing that life can be like this. It can be full of love, full of life, and full of daring adventures.

Have you thought about your life? Is it daring? Dare to live life.

mud. good for the soul.

2010-02-18T22:42:00.004-06:00

Life has been inching by. I guess that should be good news, right? I am always complaining that it is moving too fast for me. Will I ever be content?

Mark is gone. He has been away since February 9. He comes back on March 1, not nearly soon enough. I was talking with a friend yesterday and I made a comment about how I am not a nice person when he is gone. I am sure I am being a little dramatic, at least I hope so. It's a given that I am not nearly as happy when his hand isn't in mine, which means I am not near as friendly. But, I am learning. I have a lot to learn too. We are both committed to outdoor adventure and what that means for our future. This time apart is one of millions I am sure that we will have.

Mark got me the absolute world's best coffee. Check it out: Grounds for Change. It's the first coffee roasting company that is completely carbon free, organic, shade-grown. The coffee is so delicious. I had a cup tonight, too late, just because I wanted to taste the yummyness again.

Today I got to share my love for eating healthy. A friend is writing a story about eating healthy in Waco and how to do so. He called me up and asked me a few questions about what I do. I love it. I am so passionately in love with being healthy. And I love dark chocolate. Is that ok? Hell yes. We must find a balance to live well. It means to love eating dark chocolate, love eating avocados (high in the GOOD fat), drinking a glass of red wine, eating some delicious goat cheese/corn quesadillas, and much more. I so desire to help people find ways to live well.

I went mountain biking today. It was my first day to ride clipless. For those of you who don't know what that means, it means the opposite of what you would think. I didn't have a typical flat pedal, I had a small square piece of medal that I clipped my shoe into. It was as scarey as hell, especially going down some of the hills or really even going up the hills. It is worth it though. I did fall...several times and one time I got a thorn in my butt. It hurt, a lot. and I got banged up, but there it was worth it. I was caked in mud, bled, and had a lot of sweat mixed with dirt...and it was awesome. I hope you get a chance to get a little muddy, it does a lot for the soul. Riding and getting banged up and then getting back up on that saddle is like my days. Sometimes I bleed, sometimes I fly downhill and experience the fresh air in my lungs. But every day I have to choose to get into my pedals. Sometimes I do so without thinking about it. Sometimes I am intentional about it, and on those days, I find myself to be living wholly.

want to become healthier?

2010-02-11T10:12:00.003-06:00

Apple cider vinegar, coconut oil, hemp seed protein, and my two new books, "Juicing, Fasting, and Detoxing your life" and "the top 100 healing foods". These few things have inspired me to want to examine the way I am living, the foods that I am eating, all in efforts to live a more naturally inclined lifestyle.

I have been using Mother's Organic Apple Cider Vinegar as a face wash in the morning and evening. I start my routine by washing my face with Origin's mint face wash, follow it with a gentle wipe of the apple cider vinegar and followed up by my new favorite moisturizer: coconut oi l. Not only have I seen a dramatic difference in my complexion (all for the better!), but I have noticed that my skin is super smooth. I have even starting rubbing coconut oil on my hands before bedtime!

I have been a vegetarian for almost one year - one year as of March 5. I LOVE IT!! Not only do I feel so much lighter, physically, but I also feel better mentally. As a supplement, for the past year, I have been using Whey protein in my smoothies; however, I am about to make a big jump. Soon, I will be using Hemp protein. this form of natural protein will enable my body to become less dependent on manufactured, processed supplements and learn to depend on a more natural source of protein.

Beginning Sunday, February 15, I am going to start a juice fast/detox. The new book of mine that I have been reading is really encouraging in how juicing and detox will help promote wellness, reducing illness and "sluggishness". I will definitely keep you posted on how it goes, how I feel, and if it truly does work!

If you are thinking about wanting to become healthier; more conscious of your foods, then try just a few tips below:

drink more water. This is the single best thing you can do for your body. Drink it slowly throughout the day to avoid using the toilet every five minutes! you should be consuming as much water as half you weight (145lbs/2=~73 ounces of water). This does include water that is found in the foods you eat.
Try to eat one new vegetable a week. Have you ever had homemade sushi? Try it! Just one sheet of Nori seaweed provides as much Vitamin A as three eggs! Last night, I had some delicious sushi with rice, avocado (provides you with the good fat that your body needs), salmon (great source of protein), and matchstick carrots.
Take an hour a week for yourself. Block out one hour that is uninterrupted for you. Do something you enjoy, that brings life to you. Maybe it's sitting without a kiddo tugging on your pants. Maybe its a cup of tea at Starbucks. Maybe it is going for a walk. Whatever it is, DO IT.

There is so many things you can do to be healthier. Remember, one thing at a time.
Loving life,
me.

unearthed

2010-02-04T10:36:00.002-06:00

I finally did it. I purchased my materials to become a personal trainer and a nutrition and wellness consultant. This is a new found passion of mine that has been recently unearthed in my life. I have always wanted to live a healthy lifestyle but I didn't have enough courage to believe that I could do this full time. It is important to me to enjoy my job, to want to wake up in the morning excited about my day, and to love who I am working with. Someone once told me to find out what I love to do and then find a way to get paid for it. I am finally taking their advice. I will have 12 months to finish my certifications; however, I hope to be finished with them sooner. With Mark gone this coming month, I will need a project to occupy my time and energy. Soon I will be able to be your personal wellness consultant, helping you to find ways to live a healthier life.

My birthday is coming up. 27 years old. To me, 27 is a hard number - it's the upper 20's; closer to thirty; and supposedly means I am an adult. Most days, I feel like a teenager - loving life, carefree. I am planning on spending it in Austin with my best friends: Lorin, Heather, and my sister Kristen. We are going to see Keb Mo in concert. He is a recent addition to my itunes playlist. I wish Mark will be here but he and I celebrated my birthday last weekend. I had a blast with his mystery adventure planning. We ended up buying new outfits, eating a really nice resturant, and shopping at WholeFoods. I love it!

I just realized that I have so much more to write but I have to go and teach a class. More later.

most beautiful turn in my life

2010-01-28T10:16:00.002-06:00

I've had my blog opened for the past week with full intention to post something new...and yet I haven't. This semester is off to a racing start. It's nice to not feel so completely overwhelmed, often paralyzing me from my own emotions. Instead I am absorbing the moment that I am living. This semester I am team-teaching two classes: Recreational Therapy and Leisure, Lifestyle, and Well-being. I love teaching, absolutely love it. I love learning, being a part of another student's life - having relationships that contribute to a student's well-being. I hope that I am afforded the gift of working with students for the rest of my life. I am also working with the Wellness department on campus, teaching a Peer Heath Educator's course. This is a unique course that is in it's pilot year. I am eager to see how we can effectively train students to become confident to have conversations with their friends about living a healthy life.

I also still work with the Outdoor Adventure Living and Learning Center. I am convinced that this is the coolest program on campus. I wish I was an undergraduate freshman right now, just so I could be a part of the program. Of course, I am on the other side of it and still get to be apart of it. We took our first trip of the semester last weekend. We went to Big Thicket, north of Beaumont, TX. It was a great trip: paddled, camped, and hiked. We took 5 students with us and had a great time.

My life has taken a beautiful turn this past month. I have found an amazing man that I can't say enough good things about. He makes me laugh, helps me to not take things too seriously, loves eating healthy - taking a more natural route to living, helps me learn about myself, likes to mountain bike, road bike, rock climb, paddle, and more. I'm convinced that this is the best season of my life because of him. I love living in the moment, enjoying each day without thinking about tomorrow's anxiety, and just being me. Thank you, Mark.

One of my goals this semester is to take more yoga classes. I missed this week's class, so I am planning on doing a little on my own this afternoon. I like how yoga allows me to be intentional about things other than stretching and putting my body in weird shapes.

I'm going to be more diligent about my posts. I promise. Have a happy weekend everyone!

dedicated to Kristen

2009-12-15T10:55:00.004-06:00

On Saturday, my sister graduated from nursing school. It has been a long two year journey for her and I am so proud of her. She has sacrificed so much to finish this part of her journey and finally, it is finished. From the outside perspective, I have to say that nursing school is no joke. It requires a lot of dedication, commitment, hard work, sweat, late hours/early mornings, lots of coffee, a box of kleenex, and relationships with doctors and nurses to learn from. My sister did this while working full time on the weekends, raising a kindergartner-turned first grader, and being an awesome wife. I don't know how she did it - I can barely feed myself and my dog. ha!

There was one part in the ceremony that involved the newly pinned nurses to give a rose to someone in their life that encouraged them through nursing school. My sister gave her rose to her daughter, Sloan. I don't think that anyone had a dry eye at that point. I began to think of all the things that Kristen has sacrificed and work toward, all to give Sloan the best life possible. The beauty of it, was that Sloan really doesn't know. She may in the future, but for now, that secret is safe with Kristen and it's enough.

I am so proud of my sister. I hope that she takes a much needed vacation soon, get a new Patagonia fleece, and enjoy her dramatic pay raise. Kristen, when you read this - know that I love you! I want to be like you when I grow up. :)

time slipping away

2009-12-11T15:27:00.002-06:00

Where did Septemeber go? And october, less we forget November. I am having a hard time realizing that it is December 10. Strike that, December 11. What happened to those days when we were young and imagined what it would be like when we were older. We never had it so good. Life was slow then, lived in, and embraced. I am wrapping up my last week of grad school, which I am at a loss of words about. I cannot believe that I am almost done. Wow!

The weather here in Waco has been awesome. I love the cold weather, especially that first moment when you wake up in the morning to take the dogs outside. The sensation of cold, brisk air in your face and and then traveling down my lungs is refreshing...although, it often sends me back into my bed under my covers!

I also love the cold weather because it reminds me that it is winter, which has so much symbolism to me. I love winter because it is often associated with the process of dying and awakening to new life. Just the other day, I was driving to work and I began to notice the trees around me. At first glance, the trees can be seen as dry, barren, and dead; however, after you look past these things, you begin to see the beauty of simplicity. The simplistic look of emptiness is breathtaking.

Winter is also allows me to think about other things. I think about reading books on the couch wrapped up in a blanket. I think of watching movies with friends and family. I think about all the yummy snacks at my house during Christmas. I also think about Advent. Interesting to me, this season of advent has cultivated an important place in my heart. Advent is about waiting and preparing for the coming of Christ. What does that mean? What is waiting and how do I wait? I'm not sure the answers to these questions, actually. But I do know that out of stillness, I am often renewed with a sense of peace that passes all understanding of unanswered questions. And maybe that this has the same beauty as the winter trees. The simplistic beauty of emptiness, of being without and waiting for the coming fulfillment.

love your barista

2009-10-26T16:48:00.002-05:00

I haven't posted about working at Starbucks in a long time, almost since I started. I thought I would share a story about what happened to one of my fellow baristas.

customer (after ordering her drink and hovering over the drink pick-up area): "you'd be prettier if you smiled more"

barista: "i'm sorry. I've hard a hard morning. (note: there were at least 10 drinks in line to be made, we were understaffed, and were running out of product)

customer: "well, maybe you shouldn't work here anymore"

barista: "well, maybe you should pay my bills"

seriously. no lie, this happened last week. Starbucks is not the end all in jobs. I know that. Actually, the only thing that is keeping me there is the benefits (insurance, free coffee). Most baristas there realize that this is not what they want to do for the rest of their lives. I don't think this customer knew this. So moral of the story: love your barista.

a good ending

2009-10-20T11:58:00.003-05:00

it started out horrible and ended nice.

yesterday was horrible, at the beginning. I had to visit the doctor on an emergency basis. I HATE the dentist. I always have a cavity, regardless if I have sworn off sugar that month or not. I hate the sound of a drill in my mouth, drooling down my chin without knowing it, and that horrible taste of dental goo they put on your teeth. yuck. Last Thursday on my way out of town, I broke my tooth. I did it while eating chips. Chips. Seriously, why couldn't I have broken my tooth in a cooler way? Maybe while I was rock climbing that weekend or through a vicious crash while mountain biking. Chips, and at that - they were sun chips. the weenie chips.

I was actually quite nervous about the whole situation. My tooth that broke didn't hurt. I thought for sure it would be my first root canal. But after a few xrays, I learned that my tooth just broke off around a filling that was already in that tooth. 3 hours later, I had a crown and two fillings. After shelling out enough money to buy a kidney on the black market, I got in my car and cried. I just couldn't handle it. It was overwhelming in so many ways.

I got home and made my smoothie and had some oatmeal. Nothing like a staple meal in my book. Afterward I headed to Starbucks, worked on some homework and then headed to class. My Monday night class is hellacious. thankfully, I bring my laptop and do other work or take a gander on www.peopleofwalmart.com. Last night i did this and busted out laughing in the middle of class. oops.

The day ended well when I got to teach cycling. It was nice and refreshing, a good class and a good workout. I went home and sat outside for a bit and reflected on life, God, and my journey of faith and prayer. I love looking at stars. It reminds me of the surrounding depth to life and the mysteriousness of the closeness of God. I also read a sermon about rest and what that really means. check it out here.

So my day ended well, peaceful and comforted.

Where the Wild Things Are

2009-10-01T10:58:00.003-05:00

I am so so so so SO excited! I just bought the soundtrack for the new movie (old book) "Where the Wild Things Are". The sound track is pretty good, light hearted, kids voices, and such. The movie comes out in a few weeks, sad I will be gone that weekend but I will definitely have to see it when I get back.

I remember reading the book as a child, which is one of the reasons I am so fond of it. It brings back memories of simplicity and love. I am fascinated with the mystery of creativity and imagination that we have as humans, although much easier as children. I believe that we are to maintain this mystery all of life.

The story of the little boy in the book is the story of life. This boy is struggling with his dark emotions: anger, frustration, and being misunderstood and forgotten. As a result of acting out on these emotions he is sent to his room without dinner. Here in his room, he let's loose on his imagination and travels to a foreign world where monsters live. He becomes king and rules, most of all, feels important. He learns about love and the mysterious power of love.

I love that although this story is found in a children's book, most adults need to read it and then learn from it. I know that I do. The mystery of love is meant to be kept a mystery. I don't want to dissect it and understand it...I just want to live it.

this practice of faith

2009-09-22T11:33:00.002-05:00

life is happening before my eyes. i have been trying to slow down a little; time to be still, think, love, and rest. I love it. It is amazing at how few times i practice this, despite the times that I feel so refreshed afterwards. This summer, I visited my brother in Oregon and remember seeing a small 3x5 note card tacked up on his wall, just before you exited through his door. It read, "This is it, this is your life. Live it". Those simple words are reality, almost soul breaking.

I am in a class this semester that is really hard for me. It's called, "death and dying". Maybe because I have distanced myself from emotions...but not now. I am learning to embrace my emotions, feel them, appreciate them, and live them...after all - it's life. Studying about death is hard! The clashing of living a passionate, full life with dying a good death has potential to bring thunder and lightening! I am learning that you don't have to have just one. I can have both. what is a bigger struggle for me is learning to live despite the desire to die a good death. There are so many things I want to do in life, so many things that I want to happen to me before I die, so many experiences I want to have!

Then I read a blog from one of my favorite artists, Sandra McCracken (wife of Derek Webb). I love her music, her twist with words and melodies. She wrote about waiting and how some waiting is intense yet, a privilege. she goes on to say that just when you don't think you can wait any longer...the perfect time arives and you are ready. The faith that emerges from waiting, the hope that is formed helps in the journey of our faith. The waiting that can happen for the times of refreshment that comes from God can sustain us through the seconds, minutes and hours of the long days. This exercise of waiting is our practice of faith.

my latest adventure - Caving

2009-09-14T16:53:00.003-05:00

It's been raining for the past five or so days. (actually, I don't know. I've lost count). I LOVE the rain. I've tried to fit in all my favorite activities that I enjoy in the rain

cycling
drinking coffee on the front porch
running (this week's activity)
walking my dogs
taking naps
sleeping in (this week's activity)

So my latest adventure was last weekend. I took my class of students caving, and oh boy, what an adventure. It rained the whole drive down to the cave (2 hours) and back. Once we got to the entrance (literally, underneath an overpass) we were waved and screamed on by three cop cars and a firetruck. The other leader and I decided to turn around and park at a nearby church and walk down to see what's going on. As we passed back by, the representative from the grotto association waved me over. I popped the curb on the other side of the street and walked over to chat with her. She said that she was checking the water level for us (it's been raining for the past four days? now) and said she saw some co2 canister thingys, big blue water jugs, and what looks like someone trying to dig into the cave...she called hazmat because she wasn't sure if someone was trying to cook up some meth or something else? We were cleared to go in after an hour or so. Meanwhile, b/c of the rain, my 15 passenger van got stuck in the mud. Classic. After several tries of pushing, placing rocks underneath the tires, and other creative ideas...We ended up asking the fire department to help us out. They ended up using their winch to pull us out, all the while of holding up Austin traffic. All in all, it was great.

knowing yourself and then living yourself

2009-09-09T21:06:00.003-05:00

This past Sunday, my church had a breakfast potluck thing. Gotta love the baptist tradition. Anyways, I was sitting with two moms talking about life. I actually just stared at one mom and wondered how she did it. She is a mom of twins and works two nights a week as a nurse while her husband works full time. The other mom is contemplating going back to school and how that will impact her family. Still amazed, I commented on how amazed I was. Seriously. There have been a few days in the past weeks that I either forgot to feed Canaan (my dog) or fed him for the first time after 10pm. YIKES! After the moms stopped laughing at me, they mentioned how it was a lot easier to remember to feed kids as they are screaming in the middle of the kitchen that they are hungry.

I get so overwhelmed with life and wonder if it will ever slow down. I don't think it will. Even in the nights that I have off and am home by 6pm I still feel numb and just end up glued to the recliner or the couch. And I definitely don't want to go through my day as a machine, I want to be fully present in each moment, with each person...but hell, that takes a lot of energy! I hate that I get trapped in my own world and want to consistently be living in reality - seeing...really seeing...people and things and events and life around me. There has to be a balance to knowing yourself and living yourself. I guess my prayer would be that God would help me to live myself.

ahhhh!!!

2009-08-23T19:20:00.002-05:00

sigh. no words are adequate for where I am at in life. overwhelmed, anxious, secure, loved, and afraid are just a few feelings that I have swirling in my heart and mind right now. I loved the thunderstorm this afternoon. Even when it's only for a four minute downpour and then back to humid, hot weather, I still feel somewhat refreshed. At least this helps.

My last semester in grad school begins tomorrow. This is my last semester of classes (which is why I say last); however, I do have an internship in the spring. I plan on interning in Waco at Baylor - hopefully with the Wellness Coordinator. The summer went so fast that I don't feel like it happened at all and when I do try to remember what I did, I draw a blank. A few people have asked me if I plan to continue working at Starbucks after school begins. I say, yes. At this moment, I do. Really b/c for the first time in two years I have health insurance and I am stoked to go to the doctor. Seriously, is anyone as excited as me? And for all the women out there, I am even excited to go to the "women" doctor. (and for the men - usually we are NEVER excited to go there).

I am happy to write that I have faith once again. A few weeks ago, I was climbing with a friend and we were talking about life, faith, and the journey of the two intermingling. I confessed that I was at a standstill in my faith. For so long I have believed for several things and it feels like I have not seen any movement or development in theses prayers. I confessed that I didn't have faith and that I didn't care - which is dangerous. I remember driving home that night in tears praying that God would place faith in my heart once again- that I had none to give. And here I am, writing that there is faith in my heart. I'm not sure how it got there; I know that I didn't put it there...but that it was given to me. I am so thankful for my God who is continually drawing my heart to him. Without the hope that He continually surprises within me, I would not be anchored to his love.

On a completely lighter note, my new goal for the fall is to compost. I have been in dialog with a co-worker who composts and I am really wanting to try this. At this present moment, I am watching (sort of) the tv show, "Aftermath: Population Zero". It's a show about what happens to the earth after all the humans leave. It's pretty interesting, you should check it out.

Hopefully, I will continue to blog regularly. It helps me to remember to slow down, reflect, and laugh. I hope you find a way to do the same.

it starts next week!

2009-08-12T08:41:00.003-05:00

alright. I have to confess. I have not worked out in any form or fashion since the Waco Tri. It's true. I have a severe lack of motivation to run, or exercise in general. Last week was really depressing for me, for several reasons. I think ultimately, my endorphins were so low that I couldn't muster up anything to be positive about...so, I apologize if you were around me last week. On Monday, I couldn't handle being so depressed any longer. I gave myself a repreieve of guilt from not exercising and decided to pick it up "officially" next week. Even being a really healthy person and knowing the holistic benefits of exercising, I couldn't get out the door with my shoes laced up. I did get close. One day, I actually woke up to my alarm. the next, I actually thought about going after my alarm went off (i quickly decided that I could get another hour of sleep in if I chose not too). Another day, I actually got out of bed and drank some water and had my pre-running breakfast of peanut butter toast....then fell asleep on the couch. I'm getting closer every day. Maybe by next week, I will be running!

Hempseed and Coconut Oil!

2009-08-10T10:22:00.003-05:00

I have come a long way in my dietary eating habits. Obviously, from my last post, eating good foods is important to me. When I was a child, I had to have a candy bar every night. It was almost humorous the ways that I made sure to get my candy fix. So many times I biked to the closest convienent store to get Sweetarts or Sprees or a 3 Musketeers. Even a decade or so later, I made fun of my roommate eating a salad that looked like weeds from our backyard. So much has changed in my diet! Of course, it didn't happen at once and still doesn't. Just today, I sat in on a presentation a classmate gave on food combination. The theories are amazing and complex, but I want to try a few things, like eating fruit alone. By eating fruit after a meal, the fruit (which is digested fast) usually sits ontop of what you had eaten for dinner and does not digest.

Last week, I ordered a sampler pack from a health company, Nutiva. It came with coconut oil, hemp oil, hempseed, shake mixes, hempseed bar, flax raisin bar, flax chocolate bar, and hemp protein and fiber. This hemp is made from the industrial plant which contains less than 1% of the THC that is found in the hemp that is made to make marijuana...so no worries there. This hemp actually contains 33% digestible protein and is packed with iron, Vitamin E, and omega-3's. Historically, the Chinese have adopted hempseed in their diet. Hempseed is not genetically modified and had the highest percentage (66%) of edistin protein. Coconut oil is cholesterol and trans-fat free, only has 1% of omega-6 (the fat that American's eat too much of). It's primarily made up of Lauric acid. Lauric acid is found in your mom's milk and helps promote healthy metabolism and much more. Coconut oil is also really, really good for the skin, scalp, and your body in general. I am super excited to try these products out!

why I am a vegetarian!

2009-08-01T22:16:00.003-05:00

It’s been five months since I have chosen to live a vegetarian lifestyle. Although I was already limiting my intake of animal product long before that. And if you want to be specific, I am a ovo/pesca-vegetarian, which means I will eat eggs and fish. (although the fish is few and far between). To me, being a vegetarian is more than just what I choose to eat, it’s a lifestyle. The vegetarian lifestyle has invaded other parts of my life and has caused me to be more mindful in my day to day living. For example, I recycle, try to bike more (rather than drive), and buy local. There are parts of the world in which it is the cultural norm to be a vegetarian and then there are parts of the world, for example – in Waco, Tx, that it is uncommon. Initially, I thought that I would have a very difficult time not eating meat, whether that was due to the lack of choices on a menu or lack of knowledge of recipes to cook. However, I have found that it is quite the opposite. I have no trouble eating in restaurants and look forward to being creative in the kitchen. Being a vegetarian has also forced me to increase my knowledge on foods, nutrients, and important facts about how food affects the human body.

In 1945 there were 100,000 adherents to the vegetarian lifestyle and today there is over 2million. Vegetarianism is nothing new but has recently captured more attention as there are rising health issues on genetically enhanced food and as more people are becoming aware of the cases of animal cruelty. Historically, the word vegetarian has had a preconceived notion of a person that is overly conscience of of animal rights. Whereas that is still true today, people have adopted the vegetarian diet for more reasons than just animal rights, for example health reasons and environmental awareness. The American Heart Association states that studies about the vegetarian diet have reported to lead to a lower risk of obesity, coronary heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and some form of cancers. These facts alone can lead a person to seriously consider the option to adopt this lifestyle; however, the vegetarian diet can be unhealthy if the right food choices are not made.

I can’t ignore the arguments for not being a vegetarian, which in my personal opinion are weak. Some of the major ones are: social isolation from friends, hypocritical lifestyles, God given animals.

Social isolation: I can understand why this argument exists. There has been time when my friends have called me after eating dinner or invited me “convienently” after eating. Really, not a big deal and I am not offended. I have had to communicate to my friends to not worry about what I will eat or if I will be ok at a certain restaurant. In America, social life normally revolves around food. My suggestion to my friends is that I can always find something to eat at a restaurant. It’s usually fairly easy.

Hypocritical lifestyles: 99% of the things that I use are made out of an animal product. Everything from dishes, to pillows, to carpet, to clothing. My counter argument would be: I can’t avoid life, I can only be aware and do as much as I can with what I can.

People in the bible ate meat: yes, you are right. God created animals and people ate meat in the bible. However, life has evolved and technology has advanced and overtaken the simplicity of life that once was…meaning greedy meat production companies are more concerned about pumping animals full of antibiotics and hormones to increase the production of meat then they do about the animal and the work that animals can do for us.

All of which are valid questions to be asked. As far at nutritionally, meat provides vitamin B-12 and the essential amino acids that cannot be found in any plant based protein. In fact, a lot of vegetarians are not healthy. It is easy to over eat on carbohydrates and fats rather than eating a balanced diet. Research has also suggested that female college students adopt the vegetarian lifestyle to disguise the eating disorder that plagues them beyond their food choices.
In researching more about being a vegetarian, I found the following top ten list. In the least, I think you will laugh. This one is the top ten reasons to not date a meat eater website

If you can’t commit to eating healthier, how can I expect you to commit to me?
You are what you eat, and I love fruits.
I like environmentalists. And you just can’t be a meat-eating environmentalist with all the pollution, wasted resources, and global warming problems caused by the livestock industry around the world.
I don’t want to be on vacation with you, and have to deal with you wanting to try frog legs or even rabbit.
It doesn’t matter how hot you are on the outside, if you eat KFC you’re rotting in the inside
Vegetarians live healthier, longer lives. I don’t want to date someone who might die of a heart attack while we’re …you know.
I love kissing passionate, and there is nothing more of a turn off than burping up dead carcass.
Compassion is sexy. Ignorance is not.
The fat and cholesterol in meat clog the blood flow to ALL your major organs, know what I mean?
I don’t want a lard ass, I want an apple bottom.

Ignorance was one reason that pushed me to examine why I wanted to become a vegetarian. Environmentally, the amount of green house emissions that an SUV gives off driving 40 miles is the same as if I were to eat 1lb of meat. One website says that the average American eats 318lbs of meat. That means, in March of 2010 I could have driven 12,720 miles in an SUV and still have put off that many green house emissions. Animals also produce 130x more excrement than the American population. And sadly, there are no federal guidelines that regulate how factory farms treat, store, and dispose of the trillions of pounds of concentrated, untreated animal excrement that they produce each year. In addition, entire eco-systems are being destroyed to make room for animals to graze and feed (to provide meat for people to eat). I won’t even begin to go into the awful animal cruelty cases that I have read. If you want to really learn about these things, you should visit this site. As far as health issues, leading health experts state that eating a vegetarian diet is the best thing that a person can do for their health. Obesity is a growing concern in America and as it stands, less than 1 state that has less than 20% of its’ population as obese. People that eat meat are now nine times more likely to become obese than those that don’t. Additionally, correlations have been suggested between meat consumption and osteoporosis, Alzheimer's, asthma. Those that forgo the meat have a stronger immune system which allows them to have less chance to capture the pesky flu that comes around every school year (and more!). If anyone would be given the opportunity to live longer, depending of course on quality of life, why would a person not choose to? If you were to choose the vegetarian lifestyle, then you would most likely live up to ten years longer. Nutritionally, many advocates of meat consumption comment on the lack of important vitamins and such in a vegetarian lifestyle. However, every protein that is found in meat is also found in other non-animal products and just requires a broader taste for food and a willingness to try new things. Specifically, vitamin B-12 is often commented on lacking from a vegetarian’s diet. What most meat-eaters do not realize is that a lot of breakfast cereals are fortified with B-12 and also most veggie burgers contain this crucial vitamin. And I have to say, there are a few veggie burgers that are really delicious! Since deciding to not eat meat, I cook more foods – which in of itself, is healthier. I have also learned what types of oils, seasonings, and such to cook food in.

One fear that I did have is that being a vegetarian would affect my active lifestyle. I compete in triathlons, rock climb, backpack, kayak, and tons of other fun – very demanding activities. And so far, I have only felt better! I feel fairly confident that I get all the nutrients that I need in my diet; however, I do make a smoothie every morning that includes a multi-protein powder. (I also put soy milk, V8, frozen fruit, and ice). I also take a women’s multi-vitamin. Some of my food is a double whammy, like my whole grain bread is also packed with omega-3s. And my orange juice is calcium fortified. When I grocery shop, I try to look for foods that are a double whammy.

In conclusion, it is a personal choice to adopt the vegetarian lifestyle. It is obvious that that there are more benefits to becoming a vegetarian than not to, however, it is not an easy decision. The first month or so might be more difficult and you may discover that it’s not convenient. After making the decision to become a vegetarian, I have noticed that I have become more mindful in several areas of my life…not just my food intake. This mindfulness has led me to take steps to become healthier mentally, emotionally, and spiritually – all of which make up a holistic approach to life. To this end, I am committed to live holistically and believe that this way of living offers the best quality of life.

Sources:
http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=4777
http://www.top-10-reasons.com/2008/08/top-10-reasons-not-to-date-vegetarian.html
http://www.top-10-reasons.com/2008/08/top-ten-reasons-not-to-date-meat-eater.html
http://www.goveg.com/environment.asp
http://www.cdc.gov/obesity/data/trends.html
http://www.vegsoc.org/health/index.html
Journal of the American Dietetic Association, Volume 103, Issue 6, S. Klopp, C. Heiss, H. Smith
Complete Food and Nutrition Guide, Revised and updated 3rd edition. Roberta Larson Duyff, MS, RD, DADA, CFCS. Page 504 – 522. Healthful Eating: Special Issue.

top three finish!

2009-07-30T07:42:00.002-05:00

Wow! I am so excited with my last race and how it turned out. TriWaco made it's debut last week with over 600 participants. It was a great race, really well organized, lots of support from people/businesses, and just a lot of fun! It was my first Sprint distance, which i don't know how I feel about it...even after the race! It was over so quick and I am not a sprinter....so I think I might stick to Olympic distances. I did have a good time and found out a few things that I want to try to implement in my next race. This last race I biked and ran without socks - I did this to try to shave a few seconds off of my T1/T2 times. I didn't get any blisters! yay! Next race, I am going to try to begin with my shoes clipped into my bike. This will help me run with my bike faster in and out of the transition area. Also, I am going to sprint from the swim to the bike rack. This will help me mentally prepare for my run and what it will feel like. I usually just jog out of the lake and up to my bike. Overall, I am really well pleased with my results. Here are my splits:

Overall time: 1.22.06
Swim time: 7.30/1.53 (ok, so I have to comment that I think that this split time is wrong or that the distances was greater than 400. I say that b/c I KNOW that I was swimming faster than that pace.)
T1 time: 2.41 (there was a wicked long ramp to run up, equalling about a 100m distance to my bike)
bike time: 38.09/19.6mph
T2 time: 1.23
Run time: 32.30 / 9.31 a minute. I am a little disappointed in how slow i was, but I have to admit (to myself) that it is a full 45sec faster per minute than my last tri.

All in all, I finished 3rd in my age division (25-29), 12th in all women, 44th overall. a HUGE thank you to my friends and parents for coming to support me. I had two awesome friends that made signs and cheered me on during the bike and the run which was exactly what I needed at that moment. I want to try to squeeze in one more race before school and life gets too busy. Hopefully, I will still be in condition to compete in the olympic distance and not the sprint...but even if I do the sprint, I know that I can do well.

Fruit Salad and Tacos!

2009-07-24T08:03:00.011-05:00

I love making healthy meals. Not only does it make me feel good physically, but there is something refreshing about it for my heart. So here is some pictures/comments of my two latest creations: fruit salad and tacos.

I started by cutting my favorite fruits up into small pieces. Here I have: strawberries, pineapple, green grapes, blueberries, gala apples.

In a separate bowl, I mixed Horizon's non-fat vanilla yogurt and apple juice together with spices (pumpkin, ground gloves, cinnamon, and I think nutmeg)

Wal-la! It's so yummy and after a few days, if you haven't finished it, put it in the blender with some ice. It's yummy!

To make the tacos, I get corn tortillas and spread black beans that have been mushed together (I guess refried Black beans).

then I put rice on top, usually it's leftover from another dinner.

Then, I slice up an avocado and put salsa on top! It is so yummy!!

The only difficult thing about this dinner is that the corn tortillas never hold together...so it ends up being a mush pot. But, then I grab the chips and eat it as a dip!

Today is a good day.

2009-07-21T13:30:00.004-05:00

I've been inspired. Call it life and the twists and turns of hope, but today is a good day. It's one of those days that I love being single, love being made the way that I am (flaws and all), and when I can say that I am beautiful. Today is a good day. I have such a great life. I hope this doesn't come across as cocky. I am healthy, active, and passionate. These three things are more than what many people have in their life combined. I am so grateful for my journey, which reminds me of a quote that I have framed in my room.

"To be grateful for the good things that happen in our lives is easy, but to be grateful for all of our lives - the good as well as the bad, the moments of joy as well as the moments of sorrow, the successes as well as the failures the reward as well as the rejections - that requires hard spiritual work.

Still we are only grateful people when we can say thank you to all that has brought us to the present moment.

As long as we keep dividing our lives between events and people we would like to remember and those we would rather forget, we cannot claim the fullness of our beings as a gift of God to be grateful for. Let's not be afraid to look at everything that has brought us to where we are now and trust that we will soon see in it the guiding hand of a loving God."

I had lunch with a dear friend last week. It was a remarkable time for me, almost a time of release. She asked me where I was in my spiritual journey, my journey of faith. I told her that I was in the middle of the forest, not necessarily on a peak and not necessarily on a low. I told her that I haven't been to church in awhile (mostly b/c of work, but some b/c I just haven't wanted to go). My lunch friend reminded me that "when the student is ready, the teacher will be there". I am not ready for a new twist of my journey. She was such an encouragement and I can only hope that one day I too will believe that God is bigger than my journey. Life isn't about what you can do for God, it's about learning who you are, who you are not and learning to believe that God is ok with that. After all, he is bigger than life.

Today is a good day.

kudos' to mom and dad!

2009-07-19T20:38:00.002-05:00

so kudos to the parents today. this last year of grad school, I am living at my parent's house. They currently live in another town, so I have this huge house to myself...and my dog for protection. :)

anyways, they made a trip home this weekend to relax and enjoy family. I had to work all weekend at the 'bux which made little time here at the house. Additionally, I have been utterly exhausted. Not just tired, i'll take a nap tired...no. This is the deep, can't lift arms or eyelids and prop the head up against the couch tired. I contribute it to last week's work schedule, work-out schedule, and just catching up from busyness. I haven't made my bed in weeks, and there is a standing load of laundry that has to be done and another that has to be put away. On top of that, I still haven't moved my mattress and box spring off of the foosball table that is in the den. I think my parents saw how tired I was. Anyways, I came home from my shift today at the 'bux and the house was spotless, dishes were done, flowers on the table, floor was vaccuumed....and my bed was made. I almost cried.

So here's to my mom and dad. Thanks!!!

I owe the City of Waco one.

2009-07-16T09:50:00.003-05:00

The city of Waco got a brownie point this morning, big time. This morning I was going for a semi-long run (at least for me). There is an upcoming tri that I am racing in here and I wanted to run the course, ya know - get the lay of the land. So, I laced up my shoes and started a couple of miles or so before the run course and set out. I guess you should know that I have a seriously lack of bladder muscle....so when I have to go, I have to go. This is in my everyday living. Can you imagine what it's like running. I won't even begin to tell you the stories. Anyways, I have learned to go to the bathroom at least twice before I run. So I started out and I was perfectly fine. I felt good, weather wasn't too hot, and the traffic wasn't bad at all. Perfect day....until it hit. I had to go. really bad. I think I was at mile 5 and I just happened to be close to a public bathroom by a park. As I was running up to it, the city of Waco's parks and recreation truck pulled up. Here they were to save the day. I guess that the city locks the bathrooms overnight (I am sure that it's b/c of our growing homeless population). Oh man, I looked at the city employee with tears in my eyes, eternally grateful. I ran straight into the bathroom and didn't look back to see if he was even out of the bathroom yet. Thank you city of Waco, you'll never know how much your timing was right on!

Support OneBlood!

2009-07-15T10:44:00.002-05:00

My friends are traveling to Africa in less than a week. Their mission is to educate people on the issues surrounding malaria, inspire people to become involved, and find a solution to eradicate malaria. They are beginning their initiative this summer by going on an epic adventure to raise awareness and money for clean malaria medication in Africa, and to go into communities in Tanzania, Kenya, and Uganda to find local community leaders that want to engage in the malaria battle.

The war will be won as we join forces and realize that all people are created equal, we are all one family, and we are all of One Blood.

You should donate or buy a shirt to help fund their mission.

life is never what you expect

2009-07-12T16:46:00.003-05:00

in the past 7 days, I have said the following sentence at least 7 times, "life is never what you expect". I wonder if my life is about to take a turn for the unexpected....as if my life is not already in that category. I think that I am almost getting used to my life being not what I expect. It's not a bad thing, just different. Sometimes disappointing, some times encouraging. I wish that I could say that I always respond to change well. But i don't. oh well, life goes on.

I have a race in two weeks from today. I'm excited for it! It's the triathlon here in Waco, where I live. I chose to only do the sprint, really for one reason. the heat. Yep, I am a weeny that won't succumb to racing in 100+ heat at 8am. My race is a 400m swim, 14 mile bike, 3.1 mile run. I have been working a lot on my run lately and hopefully it'll pay off. I started a summer session course entitled, "Current Health Issues" which I am really enjoying. We discuss the different controversial topics in healthcare and argue both sides of the topic. I am also researching for a paper on "vegetarian" living. I'm not too sure of the direction of this paper but the overarching goal is to make it debatable.

That's my life.

my 5K experience....or lack thereof.

2009-07-05T19:40:00.003-05:00

$22 richer, one meeting with the sheriff, and a run around downtown Georgetown was how my 5K experience went. oh, how I love my weaknesses.

I woke up extra early to drive to Georgetown for my race. I wanted to make sure I had plenty of time to find the race, register, and relax prior to my run. I headed out to Gtown, found my exit and then....got lost. Before long, I realized I was in a completely different town that I didn't know existed. I've been to Gtown several times and really haven't gotten lost before, until this weekend. Frustrated after driving back and forth on the highways, I found a sheriff and pulled over to ask directions. He pulled out a map, showed me where I wanted to go and where I was in relation to it....on the next page of his map. Mad at myself and how I always seem to get lost I pulled it together and drove to the center of town and laced up my shoes. I went for a really nice run around the beautiful old homes and ended up running a few times around Southwestern University.

After a quick wet wipe bath, I headed to Austin to spend the day looking for new bikes. I found a few that I really like. I think what I might end up doing is purchasing a touring bike and then also a set of racing wheels. This way, I can have three bikes in one: commuter, touring, and racing. The bianchi volpe has captured my eye. I need to research more into it (read reviews, examine the specs....) but I am getting excited! I ended up meeting some friends in Austin and watching fireworks. It was a great day...bloody hot, but a great day.

Race tomorrow!

2009-07-03T11:52:00.004-05:00

woo hoo! i have a race tomorrow. Ok, so it is only a 5K but I need all the help i can get. My goal is to run it in 24 minutes or under. That's super fast for me but I think with the adrenalin and the people around me, I think I can pull it off.

I am really working to improving my running. The run component of triathlons are the hardest for me. Not only is running more difficult for me b/c of my prone to injury, but it is what requires the most mental energy. My goal for the summer was to improve my run time to a consistent 8:30/mile pace....even after the swimming and biking components of a tri. I have been running at an 8-8:12 pace recently so I think I am pretty close to my goal. I registered for the Waco Tri that is on July 26. If you haven't registered, you need to. Support the tri community, especially in Waco. We need all the help we can get! Register here!! I would like to do another tri before hand, maybe next weekend or maybe one in August. After my race tomorrow, I am going to go down to Austin to a few bike shops and look at the selection of touring bikes. I am contemplating getting a touring bike for an upcoming long distance ride. But I also need a new bike for my tris b/c I just sold mine to a friend. Of course, the transaction included me using it for competitions until I got a new one. :) I am super excited to look at new bikes!! It's like Christmas...in a BIG way!

how to survive the texas' summer

2009-06-29T21:34:00.003-05:00

How to survive summers in Texas:

1. You survive inside, not outside.
2. there is no other advice.

It was so hot today. I think it got up to 108 and of all days to load boats for an upcoming kayak trip today would be the day. Of course, today I was in a skirt and a tank. For the record, I love wearing skirts in the summer. Not only are the nice and cooler than jeans or pants, but they always put me in a good mood. Skirts make me feel light and happy, carefree...simple. ANYWAYS.....boat day was supposed to be tomorrow. Needless to say, I hope i didn't give anyone a free show today trying to carry massively heavy tandom and single kayaks and trying to load them onto a boat trailer. At least after I had soaked through all my tank (and layer underneath, much to my lack of better judgment), when the wind blew it cooled me off. ahh, maybe this is how the people in saudi arabia feels like. hot, sweaty and cool when the wind blows.

Life has been good lately. I had a rough week last week with the funeral but I think I am making strides, moving forward. I worked alot last week and then over the weekend I moved houses. I haven't unpacked anything. Nah, I just crammed it all in one room. The plus side is that as much as I have moved in the past, it makes me own less and less stuff. I did get to go to church on Sunday and LOVED it. It was truly community sitting in the church with others, taking communion, and believing together despite each of our different journeys of faith.

I think this week is going to be a good week. I have a good feeling. of course, I will be inside.

oh, how I want to know

2009-06-24T22:26:00.003-05:00

today I went to a funeral of a man i worked with at the ropes course. He was the hardest working man, the kindest and most gentle-hearted man I knew of. He always encouraged and found something positive in everything, even when working with 5th graders. The church where the funeral was at was filled with people that knew him from several different times of his life. It was neat to hear the stories and to see such a wide diversity of people in one area. Near the beginning of the service, one guy was telling a story of my friend and had a remarkable insight into how my friend lived. He explained how my friend lived simply, he focused on what mattered. Sure my friend had several things going in his life. He was always one to stay late, come early, and take on the assignments or projects that others didn't want to or could not. So he was never one to have just a few things in his life. He had enough, and he had a family that he loved deeply. But he lived simply. I can't stop thinking about this. I can't stop aching in my heart to know the difference and to have the courage to live simply. Sure I have many things in my life and many dreams, but can I focus on what matters. And really, what are these things that matter? Oh how I want to know.

I just want to live wholly.

2009-06-22T22:09:00.003-05:00

that feeling of security, the feeling of knowing that everything is tightly held which makes anyone feel safe....is not here. I actually feel like i am on the edge of a cliff. Most christian mystics or desert fathers would say that I am doing just fine and am just where i need to be. apparently they don't see the load of laundry that has yet to be put away from my previous three cycles. They also don't see my nightstand that is covered with items ranging from chapstick to the "Complete Food and Nutrition" book to a nail filer. And they don't know that I have to pack up my entire belongings and move out of my current house and into my next home within the week all while working two jobs. awesome. I love life.

This past week has pushed me over the edge. I have worked probably over 70 hours between three different jobs, found out a dear co-worker passed away, feel immense guilt for not walking my dog or spending time with him consistently and so much more. Ever feel like you want to give more to something or someone and...just can't. That is where I am. However, in all honesty, I feel secure. In this weird way I feel that I know that I am doing and am being everything I can be fully...me. And that has to be enough. Practically, I want to do more. But it would just be actions and words without intentionality or heart...or life.

I am beginning a new book entitlted, "Centering Prayer and Inner Awakening" by Cynthia Bourgeault. I am deeply excited about it. Here is an small bit of what Bourgeault writes about:

"As we grow up, of course, our minds grow more complex and more settled in their own orbits. We spend so much of our adult energies thinking, planning, worrying, trying to get ahead or stay afloat, that we lose tough with that natural intimacy with God deep within us."

I'm excited at reading this and how this might impact my day to day living. All that we can do is live. I just want to live wholly.

my life as a barista

2009-06-17T19:27:00.003-05:00

I'd would be amiss if I did not at least write about my experiences as a barista at Starbucks. I've now been working at the 'bux for one month and oh what a month it's been. I actually love the company! I love walking into the back of house and see a stockroom full of boxes that have that neat little recycled logo on it or seeing "this product is made from 100% recycled material". I love it! Another big bonus is that my expenses in actually paying for coffee has dramatically decreased. While on shift, we get free drinks. This is the thing that gets me out of bed for my opening shift. I once couldn't wake up prior to 7:30am and now, that time is a luxury to say in the least. There are some pretty funny people that come in, regularly. One guy, I like to call the Venti man gets at least 4 Venti cups of coffee all within the span of at 4 hour shift. Another man is my Splenda man. He gets a Venti latte with 10 splenda. That's right...10. When I first heard this order, I didn't believe him. I looked at him as if he had a third eye in the middle of his forehead. I guess with that much splenda intake, you might grow a third eye. Another favorite drink is the skinny frappacinos that we can make. They only get funny when people ask for a Venti skinny caramel frappacino with extra whip cream. ok. the first thing is that if you are conscious about your nutritional intake, the frappacino (even the skinny kind) is not the drink to be thinking about...especially with the extra whip cream.

Although today, my favorite drink was the following: a grande, 1 pump mocha, 2 pump classic, 3 pump raspberry, 1 1/2 shot espresso, non-fat latte with whip cream. FOR PETE'S SAKE!

All in all, I really like the company. I like those i work with, and I like the customers. If you need a job with flexibility with a great company...then think Starbucks!

Bus Adventures, part 1

2009-06-10T20:18:00.003-05:00

What a day of adventure on the Waco City Transit system! I am now convinced that you haven't had an experience to talk about unless you have ridden the local city bus. It started out this morning when I got in a mini argument with the bus driver. He came at least 15 minutes early which of course made me miss his bus and each connecting bus that I had to take. After waiting for a whole hour, he finallly came around again. At this point here is the conversation I had with the bus driver:

me: running early today?
driver: no, not at all?
me: oh, I thought you were supposed to be here on the 29 minute. it's 18 minutes after the hour
driver: if I don't get here now, I won't make my route
me: won't you make it if you get here on the 29 and arrive each of the following stops on time?
driver: nope

don't worry if it didn't make sense with you, it still doesn't with me. I choose my battles. When it was time to go home I made sure to get to the bus stop extra early, just in case that this bus driver was of the same mother. Nope. this bus driver just doesn't want to drive his route. I sat in the hot texas sun for over 2 hours. Finally, another bus rider came up and sat down and started to talk to me about Forrest Gump. The randomness only got interrupted after I got on the bus. I was met by Cat Lady cross-stiching a picture of a bell; of which I am sure will be some poor nephew's Christmas gift. Between Forrest Gump wannabe and Cat Lady there was the creepy guy that had a backpack large enough to put a dead body in. This guy tried to get off the bus and back on several times. I don't think he knew where he was going, literally. Don't forget the lady that I named Mumble-Mayberry RN. She mumbled to herself the entire way to her shift at the local hospital.

Seriously, am I the only one that might be normal that rides the bus? Maybe, just maybe.

rules of the road

2009-06-05T11:08:00.003-05:00

so i am a huge fan of cycling and a becoming a fan of commuting rather than driving. in fact, i have a goal of commuting all summer...beginning when i get my next paycheck. (gotta buy the bus pass). anyways, i have deemed it necessary to write down rules you should either know or learn prior to commuting.

ride the same way as traffic. this should be an obvious one; however, today i saw someone trying to ride against the flow of traffic
you are not too cool for a helmet. seriously, your pride can get hurt just a little. trust me, it's better than a body getting hurt
please do not take up a whole lane, especially if it's a one lane road. you are not that special
behold the power of a wetwipe.
unless you have three arms, please do not try to ride your bike and text at the same time. save the drivers the fear of you crashing and the possibility of us running you over.
good for you! you are exercising, saving money, reducing the pollution, and advertising for a healthier lifestyle. keep it up!

dear lord baby jesus

2009-06-02T19:20:00.002-05:00

that is my current phrase in response to life. what a whirlwind of events and emotions. I'll bypass the emotions part and head straight towards the events. In May I finished my second of four semesters of grad school, finished a hard year on the job at Baylor, competed in my very first triathlon, got a job at Starbucks, found a guy, lost a guy, went to visit my favorite place on the planet (as of right now) - aka: Portland, Oregon, moving out of my house and into my parents (oh, boy!) and now I am back into the day to day living. I started mentally thinking about things that I want to do this summer. Here they are, in no particular order:

improve my run. My plan is to run 3-4x a week. One time barefoot, one time on the trails (which I absolutely love), and 2 on the road. By the end of the summer, I want to get my time down to a 8.5 minute mile (consistently, even after a tri)
like bananas. Yes, that's right. I don't like bananas; however, they are so healthy and I really need to get some more nutrients in my body. So here i go. I bought my first one today. I'll keep everyone posted on my banana loving life.
create new recipes filled with healthy alternatives to crap
do two tri's this summer. maybe one sprint, one olympic? not sure. There is one in Waco, my hometown, in July. I will definitely do that one...gotta support the little bit of action we get here in Waco!
save, save, save moohlah! I really want to buy a good road bike by the beginning of July. It is rapidly approaching, yes, I know...but I really need one.
Take the bus everywhere. I am going green....beginning tomorrow. ha! I keep forgetting to get cash/stop by the bus depot for a month pass.
look for jobs. Yes, I am graduating in May and need a job. I am thinking about getting cerfitied in personal training so I can have that to fall back on, worse case scenario. AND i am also planning on getting my CHES (certified health education specialist)
do I need any more on this list?

Finally, I need to really learn what rest means. I'm sure you are probably thinking, seriously? with a list like that above? I know. One habit I want to get into is lighting a candle on Friday nights and really just resting/not doing anything. Maybe even have a beer! Well, that's my summer plans.

My First Tri

2009-05-26T19:20:00.004-05:00

I finished my race! I am so so proud of myself. This race was so much more than a physical race. I pray that the victory that I felt when I crossed the finish line crosses over to all parts of my life. I don't want to live discouraged or with insecurity anymore, and this race represents that my life can be positive...it can be lived in victory. I guess that for a long time I equated "victory" with a fake cheesy Christian word for being positive, despite not living it internally. I actually hated the word "victory" for a long time...until now.

Here's a few pictures of me in my race. I finished 30th in my division of 101 women, aged 25-19; 139 out of 468 women; and 620th out of 1327 people. Woo Hoo! I am definitely hooked and looking for a new bike to ride.

for the first time in a long time...

2009-05-23T12:57:00.003-05:00

I am strong enough. Strong enough for life and for the things that will happen in my life. I had this realization yesterday when I went for a run. I needed to get one more run in prior to my triathlon that is on Monday and also needed to get some frustration out of my heart. Exercise can be that outlet for me.
So here I am running and wouldn't you know, I saw a cardinal. For those of you who follow me and know that I love seeing cardinals, you know that when I see one I feel remembered, loved, and special. So on this particular run, it was perfect. Half way through my run I hit a point of breakthrough. I am trying to mentally prepare myself for this huge race. It has been so hard to train for it, probably b/c I never thought I could do it. I never thought that I would make it through to the finish, so why start something if I can't finish it?
This last run was different, I was listening to one of my favorite bands, needtobreathe, on my ipod and a song came on that I get so much passion from. The past few years came back into my thoughts, the months of brokenness and weakness was almost overwhelming until I realized that it was in those moments that I was made strong. I began to run faster and harder realizing that I CAN DO THIS. I can finish my race, I can be strong. This strength isn't the type that is conceited or over-confidence. It's the strength that comes from weakness, from brokenness.
I may not finish first at my race on Monday and that's ok. Really ok. But I know that i CAN do this, and i CAN finish, i believe in myself...for the first time in a long time.

be like the bird

2009-05-14T12:34:00.005-05:00

Be like the bird, passing on her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing that she has wings.

I love seeing birds in flight and those sitting and singing a melody in the treetops. The simplicity that belongs to those in flight and in the trees is something that I long for. I pray for the simplicity to fly and to sing.

Your reality is your mystery

2009-05-11T09:20:00.000-05:00

I can find anything to do before I begin studying, which is the reason that I don't stay at home to study. I think my office will have to be off limits too now.

It has been a long time since I last posted. So much good stuff to write about that I don't know where to begin. Hopefully, I will catch up in the next few weeks. My life and schedule is about to change dramatically. I am out of school for the summer. Wow, Alice Cooper is in my head. The first part of the summer is organizing and planning for next year's class in the OA class. The second part of the summer, I will be living the dream. I'll be on the river and in the mountains, two of the best places on earth.

On my computer screen, I have taped one of my favorite quotes. "The most courageous thing we will ever do is to bear humbly the mystery of our own reality". I see this every time I look at my computer and remember that I am a mystery - even unto myself. I am continually finding things about me that I like and things that I really don't like, things I am good at, and things that should be left for others to claim. I love this quote because I realize that my reality is my mystery and your reality is your mystery. We all have a mystery about us and the beauty of life is that we get to live life together enjoying each other's mystery. I love that! I pray for the love that is required to embrace that of others, especially those that I'd rather not. Ha!...like my professor that is about to give me a comprehensive exam on how to conduct research. ugh!

2009-05-04T00:27:00.000-05:00

Lately, I have seen so many cardinals. The moments when I see them are just right too, often reminding me about life - the things that matter in life. I'm only 26 and have so much to learn and experience but if I can think of one thing that I really want to do well...it's to live in the present. Have you ever been sitting with a friend and know that she/he is not really there, their body might be there, but thier mind and heart aren't. When that happens to me, I feel like just another line on the "to-do" list and not a friend. And although, I hate when these moments happen to me, I tend to be that friend that isn't there, but thinking about the next things I have to do later that day. Slowly, I am learning that the most important thing I can do is to be here. Be all here, not just partially. I don't want my life to be moving from one thing to another and never appreciating what is in front of me, especially if what is in front of me is another frail human heart. So cardinals, the beginning of this blog. Cardinals make me remember that I am loved. They make me feel remembered. They make me feel known, all things that I hope to give to others.

2009-04-26T15:38:00.000-05:00

I got to go to church today. Normally, I have either a trip that weekend (I take students on camping/climbing/paddling/etc trips). The service was great, really thought provoking to me. At one point, a member read the litany. It was about the time when Jesus appeared to the disciples on the beach after he resurrected. He says, "Don't be upset, and don't let all these doubting questions take over. Look at my hands; look at my feet - it's really Me. Touch Me. Look Me over from head to toe."

Over the past few years, I have had quite a journey with my faith. So many questions were stirred and honestly a lot of fear. I tend to initially think black and white, which my journey these last few years has begun to free me from. I am coming back around to facing the different expressions of living a life that follows Christ. There are so many different expressions. So many opportunities to use the black and white perspective. This past year, I have not even wanted to be forced to think about these different expressions; taking a voiceless theology. And here I am now. Thinking about different expressions, being presented with the opportunity to accept and not reject. So much courage is needed to accept. Courage to accept the grace...even when it feels so intimately lonely.

So this brings me back to the passage about Jesus talking to his disciples. I guess I just want to know which expression is true and which is not, I guess out of fear of living the wrong one. But I think this passage shows me that I can't let the doubting questions take over. I just need to live life in faith. Faith that he is bigger than my doubts and any expression of faith.

Scrabble: a game of life or death!

2009-04-24T23:27:00.000-05:00

I can be pretty competitive when it comes to games. ok, maybe that is an understatement. Tonight I debued my 'competitiveness' in a game of scrabble. I was on a roll; words like, "nuance" and "ruddy" and my new favorite, "haw". But it all came to an end. The score was 118 to 107, I was in the lead. Only one more person had to play and with one letter left, I was a sure win. Until, the rest of the table of players ganged up on me and started viciously looking for words to create out of the letter "v". Really. The letter 'v' does not have a starting chance...until tonight. Tonight, I lost a game to the word "ov". Ov means egg, used in words like "ovum" or "ovicide". Erin played the new word of "ov" right in the worst spot ever! the triple word score! Ugh! I lost! It's like a have an itch under my skin and I can't make it stop! I begged for another game, but no one was up for it. I guess I just have to remember that word the next time I play Scrabble.

I've crossed over to the dark side...

2009-04-24T12:44:00.000-05:00

hot damn. i'm on twitter.

follow me at: betah3312

my not-so-top-10, but-still-up-there

2009-04-21T22:11:00.000-05:00

Here is a list of 10 things I love (in no particular order):

1. seeing a cardinal unexpectedly
2. the smell of rain on hot pavement
3. seeing my dog's mouth flapping in the wind as he looks out the window
4. white chocolate
5. a really dark, rich cup of coffee and a comfy chair
6. remembering the value of rest
7. my friends that love me enough to speak gentle words of truth
8. running in the rain
9. cycling on a cool (not windy) day
10. U2 on a road trip

blue sky, smilin at ya

2009-04-14T21:24:00.000-05:00

So lately I have been mesmerized by the sky here in Waco. Two days ago the sky looked like a picture in a story book. I really wish I took a picture of it now that I am writing about it. The blue was a perky bright blue with small white clouds. What was really cool about these clouds was that each one of the clouds were small, not touching each other. There seemed to be hundreds of them though. (that was the cool thing). Today the sky was completely void of any cloud, not necessarily the perky blue but still a distant blue that made you forget that clouds belonged. Tonight, I went outside to throw the ball to my dog and looked up to see a night sky filled with millions of small white sparks of light. Each of these "sky sights" cause me to think about endlessness and mystery and all the emotions that are stirred with these words. It makes me feel lonely yet intimate, nervious yet filled with faith, fear yet hope. I love having meloncholy moments, moments that make me remember that life is so much bigger than what I see or feel and make me remember that someone magnificent had to create all of this. sigh.

smile and the world smiles with you...fart and you might just get stabbed

2009-04-09T16:24:00.000-05:00

I just posted this in my other blog..the non personal one. If you want to check it out/follow it the address is: www.onlyinwaco.blogspot.com.

I thought I would share this article b/c it is too funny not to. I love Waco.

Man stabbed after passing gas

April 9, 2009

By Nick Dean
Staff writer

Flatulence upset a man to the point of assault Tuesday at the Clarion Inn on South Fourth Street.

Juan Antonio Salano Castellano, 35, was sharing a hotel room with four other individuals. At the time of the crime, one roommate was showering and two were outside on their cell phones.

While eating in the hotel room with another man, Castellano passed gas. The flatulent act enraged the man, who threw a large kitchen knife across the room, Waco police said. The hurled knife cut Castellano on his leg.

The man then walked across the hotel room, picked up the kitchen knife and stabbed Castellano in the left side of his chest, the Waco police said.

The other roommates walked in the hotel room to find Castellano had been stabbed and attempted to take him to the nearest emergency room. Once the men realized they weren't aware of the location for the nearest hospital, and an ambulance and police were called.

According to the press release, Castellano was transported from the hotel by East Texas Medical Center to Hillcrest Baptist Medical Center.

Hillcrest Hospital has no records of the victim's hospital visit Tuesday. The victim had not been to the hospital since 2008, a Hillcrest Hospital representative said.

Jose Braule Ramirez, 33, was arrested in the hotel room and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. The charge carries a minimum prison sentence of 2 years and a maximum of 20 years and a fine not to exceed $10,000.

Ramirez is being held at the McLennan County Jail in lieu of $15,000 bail.

The jail is also holding Ramirez because of an immigration detainer. As of mid-day Wednesday Ramirez had not posted bail.

2009-04-08T14:07:00.000-05:00

This is how I feel today. Poor little guy, he's not sure if he's gonna make it out of there alive or completely squashed.

I have to make a decision by Monday. It's a pretty big decision. Thesis vs. Internship. In the thesis' corner is preparation for a phD, more repertoire, and a challenge. Representing the internship is experience, less stress, and fun. Those are only the positives. Each have their share of drawbacks - of which I am to tired to write out. If I were to choose a thesis, I would have to have my IRB submission in by the end of this month. Looking at my calendar and to-do list for this month makes me want to cry without adding the creation of a proposal to be reviewed by the elite and ever so gentle Baylor University Internal Review Board.
Hmmm, what will I choose?
Thoughts?

2009-04-06T00:03:00.001-05:00

I can't sleep. probably b/c of my two hour nap today. as refreshing as it was, i am kicking myself now. There is so much on my mind...ok, only one thing - I keep thinking about putting dreads in my hair. A few weeks ago, my brother did it and now I want to be like him. :) I recently found out that there is more than one way to remove dreads from your hair. my only reason for not putting dreads in my hair was the shaving part. I just can't pull off a sinead o'connor look.

I found out with much patience, a metal comb, and a lot of conditioner, I too can take out dreads. so....why not? I think I might. It would have to be after May 25, which is the date of my first triathlon experience. I am afraid that my dreads might not fit under my swim cap! Ha! Can you imagine, me participating in the triathlon with a swim cap bulging with hair? May 26 seems like a good day. I've been checking out some websites about putting dreads in...ya know, just in case. I like one website - www.dreadheadhq.com. It emphasizes that dreads are more of a journey than a shotgun approach. It gives suggestions to prepare your mind, body, and soul. Wow, who would have guessed that I need to meditate prior to putting dreads in my hair. interesting. I guess I agree with a few things. I mean, Waco is not the most liberal city there is and I know that I am sure to get a few looks, stares, and awkard comments. The question I guess I have is...am I up for it? I do have a pretty low key summer planned; a few trips here and there but nothing that would make me appear "professional" in today's image. If I do proceed with my new found idea, I will most certainly post the pictures.

On Saturday, I went climbing in Mineral Wells. It was a great place to climb and I highly recommend it. I also recommend bringing your stash of "Climb On" cream for your finger tips. The rocks are a bit sharp and after an afternoon of climbing it might hurt to drive home. Here are some pics of the group that we took.

2009-04-03T19:02:00.000-05:00

i was thinking about what would make a beautiful day, at least in my opinion. Today was close. It is about to be even closer with the ben and jerry's I am about to eat. :)

I woke up, took my dog for a long walk, made my favorite coffee and went into work. Work was great today, somewhat busy but relaxed. I came home early and went for a long run. This was where my day turned beautiful. There is this long road that I like to run down, distant from the semi-busy highway that is near my house. The further I run, the quieter it got. At one point on this long rode, it curves around a huge field. In between the field and the road are trees that are planted one after another. The sun was piercing over the field and through the gaps between each tree. It was beautiful. What made the run even better was when I saw the cardinal. Every time I see a cardinal, I think of my mom and my childhood. When we were young, my mom was always careful to point out the cardinals and blue-jays; signifying their importance, more than any other bird. I ran and ran and eventually I turned around and ran back. It was such a nice day, sunny with enough wind to bring a cool breeze to soften the heat from the sun. After my run, I went to the grocery store to buy a few things for a new recipe I wanted to try. I cooked my dinner (salmon, potatoes, and green beans) and am sitting here listening to Ray LaMontagne. I wished I had more days like this. Simple, relaxed, and good memories.

2009-04-01T19:01:00.001-05:00

I have found the perfect coffee. I am absolutely convinced that I have found what everyone has been looking for their entire life. On a recent adventure, I found a small coffee shop in Seattle named Caffe Vita who only serves french press coffee. Every cup ordered is french pressed...not out of a industry sized coffee pot. So rich, so thick, and so so good. So good, I got on their website and ordered more once I got home. If you dare to try this coffee, go for the "Theo" blend, but I am sure that the others are just as good!

even better...check out their blog! http://caffevita.blogspot.com/

So for everyone out there that is still searching for that something to satisfy and bring you wholeness...or as Jerry Maguire so eloquently says, "you complete me"...get your cup and you won't be complaining any longer.

2009-03-31T15:53:00.000-05:00

well....i'm back.

I just have too many thoughts about the important things in life to keep to myself. So I reactivated my blog. now, I can vent, complain, celebrate, and ramble about all sorts things...like this one:

Waco is just too small. How is it that I can no longer go to one of my favorite coffee shops without seeing someone i don't want to see. There is a certain lady who always seems to know when I go to my favorite Starbucks. She usually walks into Starbucks as I am dressing my coffee. With a huge smile on her face and hello, she pats me on my back and wishes me a good day. I cringe when I see her. Poor lady, she has no idea. I just smile and say, hello. There is only one idea I can come up with for my behavior. I am just not the same person that I was when I knew her. I am not worse or better...just different. I guess I just feel like I am trapped in a room full of mirrors when I see her.

A few people have asked why I deleted my account. I don't know. maybe I got nervous thinking about all the people reading my cynical and thought provoking questions on faith, life, and love. oh well. I have another year or so in grad school, then I can grow up and pretend that I am always have a positive attitude, love my life and my job and everything is perfect. Until then, here's to life. Living life is hard and learning to not be a tightass is even harder.